The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
