Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
