Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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