I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
the raccoons are back...
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