Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
