You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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