Dual....:-)
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
