She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize