well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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