Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
