Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
