When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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