it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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