I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
