So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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