remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
