It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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