It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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