I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
