I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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