Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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