How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
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