omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
