Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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