I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I could fuck to npr.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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