1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
