So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
