So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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