he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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