I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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