Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
