Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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