Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
