I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
