Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
