it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
