please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
