i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
