The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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