your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
