remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
