It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
