her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
NoShamevember. You game?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
