I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
