I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
