o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
