thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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