I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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