just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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