just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
