I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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