We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
