I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
