He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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