Apparently you make a good broom.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
NoShamevember. You game?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
