hell yes lets make some ravioli
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
