She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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