We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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