i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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