the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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