great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize