Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
